Manipulation-Part 1
Manipulation births bondage. Manipulation will hinder your relationships. Manipulation will give a person a false identity. I also have learned that manipulation is subtle and can seem harmless until it’s not. One way you can identify if you are operating in manipulation conversations with others, especially those you love, you orchestrate your words so that your idea becomes their idea so you can get what you want or get them to do what you think they should do.
“Trying to get people to do what you want them to do or trying to get them to think how you want them to think is controlling behavior. Controlling someone's will and emotions is a form of manipulation.”
When we do that we are not trusting God in the situation we are trusting ourselves. And we are leading people to ourselves versus leading them to God’s word and the hope of Jesus.
Here’s an example in context
Imagine a mother-daughter relationship so close they are best friends. When the daughter is old enough to move away for college the mother begins to say these types of statement:
“What if your car breaks down you will be too far for me to help you?”
“What if you get sick, who will take care of you?”
“What if you can’t make any friends, you will be alone ?”
See what’s happening here ? She is instilling fear, so that the daughter won’t leave home. What will happen is that the daughter will stay and build resentment towards the mother. The mother thinks she is “helping” but really she doesn't want the daughter to move so she manipulates her thoughts by instilling fear so she will stay close to home. It would be better for the mother to say to her she doesn't want her to leave and have an honest conversation then to manipulate her emotions by instilling fear.
Self reflection: journal your responses
Can you remember a time that someone close to you manipulated a decision you were excited about?
What was the situation ?
Did you change your mind ?
How did you feel as they manipulated you ?
Who was the person that manipulated you ?
Have you forgiven them ?
Here’s a sample prayer:
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your mercy and grace, thank you that you have forgiven me for much. Now I forgive (say the name of the person who manipulated you) for manipulating me when (tell the Lord the situation). I bless them, I bless their health, I bless their finances, and I bless their families. I no longer hold them accountable for what they did to me, I release them to you. In Jesus name, Amen.
Now, reflect on a time you manipulated someone, take your time reflecting. What was the situation ?
What was your motive in manipulating that individual ?
What does your relationship look like now? Are you still in a relationship ? Ask the Lord to show what is the root of your motive in manipulation. Ask Him to heal that area in your life.
Sample Prayer:
Heavenly Father, Thank you for your mercy and grace. Lord, I confess that I have used manipulation to control a situation and I ask for your forgiveness. Forgive me for the time I (tell the Lord the situation, if there are multiple say them all Don’t hold anything back) Lord, I repent from having manipulative behavior and I come out of agreement with the spirit of manipulation. I don’t want to operate like this, this isn’t who You are so this isn’t who I am. You created me in Your image and Your likeness and it is my heart's desire to pursue holiness. I bless (say the name/names of those you manipulated), I bless their health, I bless their finances, and I bless their families. In Jesus name, Amen.
You may feel led to apologize to those individuals, if your apology brings restoration I encourage you to apologize but if it will bring damage to someone's life I encourage you to wait for the right time or not say anything at all. Trust Him in this process.